It has been a busy and hectic last few days. I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions, from the highs of victory and joy to the lows of defeat and despair. I imagine the entrenched solider suffering the same mental and emotional struggles in the midst of battle. One step forward, two back; two forward, one back. In the heat of the moment you elate in a minor victory only to turn and face another, even stronger, enemy who stripes from you the joy of that previous overcoming. In this place time is not counted by the passing of the sun but by the high and low points of your struggle. When you triumph you cower in fear trying to clutch that triumph to your chest knowing that they are coming to cast you down again. You are called a mighty man but don;t feel like much of anything. The spirit of Gideon is upon you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was quoted as saying "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." When I read this quote today I got indignant. I understand RWE was a humanist who believed in the singular power of man to be the end all of consciousness but to know a man who spent so much time observing nature around him and he still couldn't grasp the knowledge that there was more to life than his own. Who can bring themselves to peace? Who has the power to deliver themselves from the pit of despair? I hear some say "Well it is a matter of the will." But it is not for all good things come from above.
"Peace I leave with you my peace, my peace I give unto you; not as as the world (man/ man's will) giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, Neither let it be afraid."
This verse is my consummate companion throughout the rest of this trial. I will read it daily and rest in the peace He gives. There are moments when we must recognize that we don;t have the power. That the only answer is to trust in the Lord with all our mind and heart, even when it seems hopeless.
God Bless.
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