I began this morning at 4am. Waking, in the dark serene, silence that still blankets the day at that hour, I set my mind to think on God. I was unable to move beyond my praise as my mind was attacked with the thoughts of those closest to me that were making the decision to turn from God and seek answers in this world. My friends aren't bad people they are young and unsure of the direction they should be taking in life. I have found many times over that it is impossible to talk one out of a decision like that. More often than not they must find out for themselves what they will be. It doesn't mean I haven't tried to point out the dangers of following the path they are taking but alas to no avail.
The pain that comes from watching them move away from God to test the boundaries of this world is the sorrow of knowing they may not ever get back. There is hope in Christ and they may turn at any time and receive His mercy to come home but it is ultimately their decision to make. They say if you love something you must let it go and if it loves you it will return. But no one ever mentions the Lions that prowl the earth seeking to destroy those birds that have flown from the hands of the master. Even if one would return they may never have the strength to return.
I can't imagine how much it must hurt God to watch these fragile lives take flight for the dangers of those lands. My heart is breaking knowing what they will go through and the danger that they may become blind and never get home.
I feel like David in Psalms 55. I want to escape what I see around me to stop worrying about those in the midst of the city beset by all the things of this world. To fly to God and let Him wrap me in His arms and protect me from the pain of losing another person I love to death in the spirit. It hurts but like David I will call to God and the Lord will save me.
I love you all so much and I pray for you daily I pray you will return and keep from that day. I don't want to lose anymore friends and loves to what I had to go through or worse. Please be safe and know I love you always....
I wept as I read this post because it so eloquently expresses a deep gut wrenching sorrow that myself and many other praying mothers have experienced. Like the father of the prodigal son, a wise parent must allow that child to make their own decision while keeping watch (prayer) and maintaining the resources (parental faithful lifestyle) for a future homecoming. I remember one Rock Church service where the Holy Ghost was greatly ministering to the youth when I was suddenly stuck by the vision of the faces of those loved children who were not there. I went to the prayer room and wept. I made a list of all the faces that God had brought to my mind and it was so long. I still keep that list in my prayer journal and rejoice when one returns but none return without scars. I bind together with you, Josh, to pray for those lost ones and to keep our own souls that we might again rejoice with those who return.
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